Ben (wasn’t even his real name) February 7, 2009

Ben wasn’t very much of a relationship guy, maybe that’s why we got along so well, because we always understood each other’s dramas so well. He was very much a friends guy though; he would have walked through fire for us. He was a little bit crazy, but in a good way, he always had something original to say and there was absolutely nothing that could shock him. He was so easy to talk to and living with him was so wonderful, we should have moved in together years ago. But I guess we were both too hung up on the thought that any day now we were going to meet the love of our life and we wanted to spare each other the loss of a leaving room mate. That must have been it. I truly believe that what connected us so deeply was our hope, our hope that one day we would find true love, because we were never not in a relationship by choice, we were single because falling for the wrong people is what we did best and getting hurt is what we bonded over at Sunday brunch. But we always had a shoulder to cry on because we had each other. The way Ben always fell for the wrong guys, it was almost legendary. It wasn’t tragic, it was just who he was. I’m a lot like him that way.

But we were also very different because Ben was such an optimist and you could almost never catch him saying something bad about someone. He was always there for everyone, he was very sociable, always out and about and he had such a big mouth. He frequently said the wrong thing but it was never out of malice, he just always wore his heart on his sleeve and you could always count on him to give you the truth. Unlike me he never got totally caught up in his own dramas and I know that I left him hanging from time to time, when I felt my own stupid tragedy was more important than his. I regularly put myself first, he never did that.

Ben was such a great guy in so many ways. He was ridiculously good-looking too and he didn’t even have to try. He was the one who got me into going swimming every week, although the main reason why he went swimming was to stand at the side of the pool in his tiny swimming trunks so people could get a good look at his perfectly proportioned torso. He was pretty vain that way but I don’t know any gays who aren’t really. Helen and I once tried counting all the guys he had been with but it was an impossible task. He loved having a good time and he didn’t shy away from one night stands, he was often quite lyrical about them. I loved getting drunk with him, he would get even louder than he usually was and shout out all sorts of obscenities, and I often almost wet myself with laughter when I was with him.

He was also a very good cook (and admittedly quite a neat freak), he won every mother over in a matter of seconds with his charm and he could talk to anybody. He wanted to enjoy life as much as possible and being his friend made you want to do that as well. When I moved to this city and I didn’t know anybody he took me under his wing. He was the best friend any girl could have and it has been such a privilege to know him the way that I did. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without him.