Today I have so much to blog about, God, I think if I wasn’t able to blog about it my head would explode (or I would hassle Ben so much he wouldn’t want to be my flat mate anymore). First things first, I went to lunch with my boss yesterday and I can’t say it ended in this big cathartic climax of openness and forgiveness, he is still my boss after all, but our talk certainly helped. Actually he gave me some advice on how to handle people like Theresa and he gave me a friendly warning to never mix business and pleasure like that again. And he explained how my affair with Theresa affected his position. I didn’t tell him that he didn’t have to tell me all of that anymore, because believe me; I have learnt my lesson this time. But I was very relieved when he suggested that we’d start with a clean slate after the holidays. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. But unfortunately one talk, whatever the outcome, doesn’t take away how uncomfortable I’ve been feeling at work. I could blame Theresa, but I should really only blame myself. I do wonder what it is I see in women like her. I blame it on my feeble emotional state Post Nikki, it helps.
I saw Theresa yesterday afternoon and she was being all charming and über-friendly again, as if nothing ever happened. Even though I know I should only kick myself for being so stupid to not see through her games, I was feeling a whole lot of anger towards her. I may have been silly but she was much more than that, she was selfish and nasty and she deliberately made my work life very uneasy when she told my boss. Actually, I think I’m very lucky that he is essentially such a good guy otherwise I could well have been fired. I’m not saying she was out to get me fired but I am saying that she definitely should have thought twice about telling him about us, especially after all her antics about keeping it quiet. But hey, Theresa is in the past now and I’ve actually got some things to look forward to so I’m focusing on that.
I didn’t see Patsy yesterday so I haven’t got anything to report on that front, we haven’t got plans for tonight as I’ve got my last dance class of the year but I may go and see her afterwards. I did see Helen yesterday. I think she’s seriously starting to consider breaking up with Mona. Writing it down here makes me realize again just how awful the situation is and I don’t think it can be patched up with some talk about how lucky she is to be in a long-term relationship. I think it goes much deeper than wanting more excitement. She came over last night to talk to Ben and me about it and we were really upset when she left. She said that she isn’t feeling it anymore, that all the little things that she used to have no problem to compromise on are really getting to her now. She also claimed that they’ve been drifting apart lately, that sometimes they hardly exchange two words for an entire evening. She doesn’t want to blame Mona but she feels that they’ve both changed and evolved and where their personalities really seemed to match before that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. She went on to say that she is feeling bored these days, that the prospect of going home to Mona after work doesn’t do anything for her anymore and that they barely kiss each other good night before they go to sleep. She was wondering out loud whether a relationship that used to be so good can just fade out like that. She did promise herself (and us I guess) that she wouldn’t make any final decisions until after the holidays, not just to avoid heartbreak for Christmas but mainly because she needs more time to decide. Maybe what she’s feeling (or not feeling) is only temporary, maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she’ll find some of that old spark again, maybe…
I can’t say I totally didn’t see it coming because Helen has confided in me before but I didn’t know it was all this serious. I guess it’s easy for me to brush things like that off, maybe I should have been more supportive when she came to me first, but that’s really not what upsets me. The fact that Helen and Mona, who have been together for a good five years now and who have been role models when it comes to long-term relationships, may break up, now that is very unsettling to me. I always thought that no matter what happened, they would work it out. But nothing has happened and I guess there’s nothing left to work out. Helen said that she doesn’t want to keep on trying now and wake up five years down the line feeling sorry for herself. I also know that she’s not afraid to make a decision like that, she may stall a bit, but she will break up with Mona. This time, it’s not going to be alright.
I didn’t sleep very well last night.
